Wednesday, April 29, 2009

why o why!

holidays are the worst time of my life. during work days I yearn for it like Rakhi Sawant for publicity. but when the they day 2 of absolutely nothing-doing-day arrives i curse my own yearns..

so to help my helplessness of boredom i decided to for a date. Now this is another tragedy, getting dated these days are difficult like never before, its like searching for a virgin in LA. Luckily or unluckily i found this guy who probably who agreed for a dte with me

Not that it was my first date, its just that after a long time someone thought he could handle my love handles(flab.
the venue was perfect. i looked good (Thank heavens loose, hanging clothes r in fashion) and he looked surprisingly smart ( or rather i was men - deprived)

I: Hey lovely place

He: Yea i have been here a coulpe of times

I: Uh hih...

He: this was Mayas favourite place

I: maya?

He: My ex Girlfiend!

I: Oh !(God, please please please God, this be the end of Maya talk)

He: i took her here 3 years back. she was wearing green i was wearing black. I could see the glimpses of her back kajal. I wished I was that. So i loved her like mad and i would have builts a Taj Mahal in Choolaimaedu coz she was born there. and i would have made my Taj Mahal pink because she wore pink Chaddi eveyday. it made me angry that her jeans wetre low n every1 could see her chaddi. so what chaddi is a chaddi. i too wear chaddi

I(thinking): So i also starte wearing pink chaddi. same chaddi again every day on the 24th meeting i bought another 1....

I to He: so the pink Chaddi campaigners were ur frnd?

He: what???? Aint my love story heart-warming

I: yes Of course!

He: so i was telling that she

I(inturupts): lets order I am hungry

He: Ok sure.. U know what Maya..

I(back to my thinking mode) : Why o Why god! whhyyyyyy.... cant a single, male-deprived, romance-deprived women have the right to go for a date. I my desiers are not quixotic, all i want is a gracious male gender who can talk about me not to me about his ex...

food arrives n that fool still continues to yap... and i eat n he talks.

He doesn't even care that m not listening and gaping at a bulging biceps next table.

By now i had imbibed the Maya Phobia. I would best any Maya under the sun to death. strangle her throat and choke her lungs out of her nose as her mouth will be stuffed with her broken hand.

then came the surprise, that easily rated ill-mannered fool offered to drop.. pa! i still believe that god shows mercy!

thankfully he had a car and the minute i stepped int ot it slpet. dont blame me, i was so fuc**ing bored..

the car stoped, i opened my eyes n guess where i was

Maya's House'

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Why so favourite child!

Well I am back to my Meany mood today.. so much so that i dont care.. so here are few ideas(which can also be genuine) to gain few brownie points from the cookiman( the spell error is intentional)

1. Personal diary on sale(rather blog, sms etc) - Oh so i was walking and i hit my little finger on stone.. i lifted the stone n threw it on a fence, fence turned elastic n it bounced backed n lined straight to the retina of my ledt eye.. but i was wearing a lens .. sense was made of iron n so bla... (oh something similar i read in some reveries of a cockroach hunter)

2. the G chat tool: have a status someting like.. my heart bleeds... or love strangles or work is worship or i am high coz my boss thought me to fly or or the basterd stole my bra whatever n invite more questions n enjoi the light of the lime

3. G chat tool 2 : give the link of ur blog which has a pst somehing like.. life away from home in a hostel.. or how you weer reminded of ur lostt dog on a tour to goa coz ur dog was the source of pee sea.. or how sand got to ur noes n u became red nosed n ppl dint understand ur problems.... n then ur wax-boy or even vetti-MD rads it n says aaww.. what a poor girl let me make life easier for the the lil soldier....( n ppl who choose beer over water become uncultured spoiled crows)

4. From G chats to G talk, rather Gtalk via G chat: hmmm so tell them about the cabin no 2s Ramo gave u flowers n u rejected n then the sadu(rotten) team leader(btw whom u g chatting with) makes life hell for poor Ramo who jus tried to be good on 'Worlds Be-good-to-next-cabbin day)....

wondering how to start: here it goes...
U: dont try to spread bad bad rumors about ne
cookiman: what?
U(innocently): sorry it was a wrong msg((well mr victim is playing brian lara cricket but still appears online)
cookiman: tell me what it s.. i am the man with cookies

5. work n work: now this is tricky... so steal ideas from periappa, taataa, thambi akkas n akkis n cal it urs.. simply simple..........

6. Indian heroine style : U cook u broom, u clean kaka shit, u help cats dust their fur, u even help ur neighbor wash her clothes ( even if u dont just say it to the cookiman.. u in for a lot of cookies).. lil soldier becomes super girl

for this i wish i was a lady with a lot of nose aches achne aches kidne aches emotional aches
(cookiman.. the hero of the next post)